Let’s face it, in a perfect world we’d all have time to have those super long sexy sexual interludes that we had with our partner in the beginning of the relationship. Of course, it was a major priority in the beginning but reality sets in and real life wedges its way between us. I have great news for you… No one is to blame, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of everyday life and you don’t have to give up on those smoldering interludes… You’ve just got to know the secrets to make it happen.
When you try something new, you create a sense of excitement, bonding, and intimacy. Your body will naturally release dopamine into your brain which is the rush of sexy feelings you had in the very beginning of the relationship. If you didn’t know this already, dopamine is directly linked to physical attraction and romantic passion, which is why bonding over a new activity together could help spark arousal and passion. Which is why I suggest you commit to trying all 9 secrets. You can’t have an opinion on something you haven’t tried.
So push the reset button and let’s get started!
When you touch, hug, or sit close to someone you love, your body naturally releases oxytocin (scientists call oxytocin the “cuddle hormone”). This hormone helps us relax, lowers anxiety, increases feelings of attraction and even lowers blood pressure. When it comes to sex, oxytocin keeps your libido firing, so even if you don’t have time for sex, cuddling can be a nice little injection of sexiness and also takes some of the pressure of sex away. Connecting through touch reminds you both that the desire and adoration is still there and feels great!
Watch Porn Together
Allowing your partner to enter your private world opens a whole new level of intimacy. Fantasy is a wonderful part of a healthy sex life, and porn adds to the repository of sexy scenarios in our heads. It can also inspire couples to experiment more openly inside or outside of the bedroom. Watching porn together means you do not have to hide anything and being open and honest strengthens your bond. So, have some fun!
For porn sites that offer female-friendly, queer-friendly, and couple-friendly alternatives:
Embrace The Quickie
It’s a super sexy thought but even sexier action! You are both horny, there is a raw urgency in the air, and you need it NOW! Having sex serves many purposes and variation is certainly a good thing. Among other things, sex reinforces the private bond which exists between the two of you; something nobody else can share in. For that very reason, having a quickie in a ‘forbidden’ situation can actually strengthen the relationship.
It’s just so much fun to change things up and have sex somewhere you don’t normally have it. There’s just something hot about the change, especially if you’re doing it somewhere semi-public. Because quickies are so short, you can try somewhere new without worrying so much about getting caught. If that’s not your thing, try it in a different room or on the floor, you don’t have to be quite as comfortable when you’re not in it for the long haul!
Scratch that itch in the best – and fastest – way you know how! Sex isn’t always a marathon. Sometimes a quick sprint connects you just enough, allows sexual energy together, and can be lots of fun!
Schedule Sex Time
I know the term “scheduled sex” evokes dread for most couples. It sounds so boring! We have this idea that sex is always supposed to be spontaneous, so making the decision to schedule sex feels like an admission that your sex life is officially dead. But scheduled sex can be way more fun than you think. With such limited time, busy couples may only see each other when tagging in and out of the bathroom in the morning or moments before passing out at night. It’s not exactly quality time—if there’s any time at all.
It doesn’t have to be extravagant, just different from the routine. Whether it’s weekly or monthly, lasting just an hour or for an entire evening, the time should be consistent and uninterrupted, a designated opportunity to reconnect and focus on each other is necessary.
Go for the trifecta! A stroll in the park, a home cooked meal, and sex! Doesn’t matter, as long as you’re together out of deliberate choice, not just mere convenience of sharing a space. Bonus points for intimate conversation, physical touch, and eye contact.
Put a Pin In It
We all know the pressure to spend “quality” time together and even more pressure to make it good when we finally do. Some couples can feel overwhelmed by so many important things going on in their lives and other pressing issues to talk about with so few opportunities, it feels like every encounter is an argument. There’s so little free time together that we get frustrated more easily when things aren’t going well, because we don’t want the little time we have to be ruined with tension or a fight.
The Answer: Put a pin in it. If you are having a regular date night, just appreciate the time together. However, you MUST set aside a specific time to address the pressing issues. If you allow fun times and difficult discussions to bleed over, you won’t find value or joy in either one. You’ll likely avoid planning regular time together.
Learn How to Communicate
Lack of communication is often what leads to sex droughts in a relationship. But did you know that couples who argue frequently are actually ten times happier than couples that avoid conflict.
With better communication comes increased closeness in the relationship and increased closeness leads to regular sex. For many people emotional connection is needed for sexual desire to be sparked. What does that mean? It means you or your partner need to feel intimately connected on emotional levels to feel aroused.
Practice having hard conversations. Fostering intimacy can often be as simple as having a conversation you have been avoiding. Do not get discouraged by what (or how) your partner communicates. Just remember that figuring out what is wrong in the relationship is part of making an effort to improve it. There are solutions if you are willing to listen and compromise.
Find The Micro Moments
Run errands, grab lunch, share a shower, play hooky… or even set your alarm a few minutes earlier and make love before your busy days begin. That’s way more appealing than pushing snooze!
Masturbate With Your Partner
This is sexy as hell! It’s the hottest, most intimate thing you can do with your partner—without actually touching each other. Masturbating allows your partner the sexy visual of seeing you enjoy pleasure. Allowing your partner to witness how and where you like to be touched is practicing a level of vulnerability that encourages closeness.
What’s Mutual Masturbation? Mutual masturbation puts two (or more!) people having “solo” sex into the same room (or facetime or zoom). It entails touching yourself in a pleasurable way while your partner(s) touch(es) themselves in a pleasurable way. I suggest you sit across the room from one another so you can see each other clearly.
And one last bonus, for those of you that are visual learners, this is great because as long as your eyes aren’t rolling into the back of your head in pleasure, you get to literally see exactly how your partner likes to be touched.
Last but definitely NOT LEAST! – staying connected to one another plays a massive role in keeping the spark and sexual desire in your relationship alive. Make sure that you stay connected to your partner throughout the day with texts, calls, or voicemails. Even if you’re busy, be sure to send sexy, loving, or caring texts whenever you get time. It’s worth its weight in gold!